Survivors and superheros

Are you anxious about the coronavirus pandemic?
As a small business owner I noticed immediate impact as the incoming orders dropped drastically. Then our main factory closed. My retailers are struggling as well. The business is down a lot but expenses have to be paid.

Due to my chronic illnesses I’m at risk of developing a severe form of the illness.

STBXH is essentially “grey rocking” me – we only communicate about our daughter. He does not reply to anything else, even an e-mail I sent about a shared asset. So what he said when he wanted to file for divorce immediately so that we could divvy up the assets and it would help us concentrate on rebuilding our marriage with the financial stuff out of the way, was bullshit. But I knew it when he said it. I agreed to it because we were still living under the same roof and I wanted to stay as peaceful as possible and just could. not. deal.

I came to this epidemic situation with my head still spinning from the abuse and lies. Moving away with my daughter as the first news from Wuhan started coming in. I knew it was serious as I saw the pictures of the Chinese in full hazmat outfits, welding people in their own homes. But at first I thought that this may not get global, like the MERS and SARS previously. As soon as it spread to Europe, I knew it was really bad, really virulent. I took my daughter home from school before they officially closed, before they found the first covid-19 positive teacher in her school.

I went out and bought and ordered a bunch of food (and yes, some toilet paper as well :D) before the panic buying began. Having just moved and left all our pantry stuff with STBXH, I needed to stock up on essentials anyway.

Life just got weird for many people, but it was already weird for us. We already survived so much, our lives were blown apart, our hearts trashed to crumbs, our sense of normalcy and even reality twisted and bent out of shape.

I have a friend who is a nurse, who recently divorced and who has special needs kids. She’s a hero.

My daughter is a hero. There was her parents divorcing, her beloved horse sick for six months, and now this. She has still kept her faith and joy and trust. I pray that God always holds her tight.

There are so many people, risking their hearts and their lives for what is right.
There are generous, honest, humble people.

I know in my heart that something has changed in the world now forever.
On practical side I want to be prepared for anything, but most importantly I want to keep close to God and ask guidance for every step. I have to handle things with my business, yet I have to live quite isolated (I’m ever so happy that my daughter is a homebody too!). Some days I feel like I’m stuck on a loop just following news. I have to be mindful to tear myself away from it all and sit down to knit or pick up the vacuum cleaner -or my Bible. I bake about every other day now but cooking is a bit of a challenge as my daughter is very particular about foods she eats. I try not to stress about it though. At least we HAVE food. I don’t make her follow a schedule, she can do her school work as she pleases as long as it gets done, and it does.

I am glad that I’m not stuck under the same roof with STBXH. Spending all day every day in the same house would be very stressful. Even with all the stress from this situation, I feel less anxious. I don’t have this strange feeling of being constantly judged. I feel like I can breathe better.

I’m revising my financial plan a little. I sold the studio apartment and made a small profit. I’m still doing small fix-ups to the new apartment, but I think I will sell it also. My opinion is that prices will come down and I may then buy a home for myself and daughter with cash and still have some in investments for income. This apartment I just bought, is slightly bigger than what we actually need (though not too big) and if I can’t sell it for a profit I will keep it, rent it for a while and then move into it with my daughter.

I could pay off the whole mortgage with the money from the studio apartment, but I will keep 75k mortgage still as I have the interest rate cap of 1,4% so I’d rather keep some of the money as a buffer and to invest elsewhere. I just need to be really clear with myself that it’s NOT for spending randomly.
I will make new calculations and a plan and write about it later.
We own the large woody lot with STBXH. We were going to sell it but now I’d rather not. I don’t know how all this will pan out but I may ask to buy him out of it. It’s not an income producing asset, but they don’t make any more land. And it’s a hedge against inflation. And I can always live in a tent there if all goes to shit 😀 A new worst case scenario if you will! With God, I can survive anything.

Published by Miss Guided

Chumped, dumped, ground to the ground, picked myself up and got up with my head held high, fierce and independent woman, I am finally free.

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